The long road of TTC

I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 16. I had only had 2 or 3 periods at that point and my mom made me an appointment for the Gynecologist. I remember being so mad at her and embarrassed that I had to go when no one else did. I vaguely remember that appointment. The doctor was so nice and after hearing my history and doing a quick exam she gave me a prescription for a hormone that I would take as a test. She said that the goal would be for me to have a period after the end of the medicine. I had another follow up appointment 10 days after to see how the meds worked. I did ultimately start which she said was a very good thing. Her and I had the discussion when I was just 16 that one day when I was ready I would probably need assistance to get pregnant. I didn't really think much of it back then. But I was prescribed birth control pills and sent on my way. I was horrible at remembering to take those pills...that's how I got started on the Depo shot.


Joe and I knew as soon as we were married that we wanted to have babies as soon as possible. We were married in August and I was due for a depo shot about 6 days before our wedding. I decided that I would go off birth control. I knew I was ready for kids and I had heard that it could take up to a year once you stop taking depo to get back to regular cycles. Immediately after I st oped the shot I began having cycles. They were very irregular and and sometimes for several weeks at a time. Which I chalked up to being my bodies way of regulating after so many years on birth control. Things never really did even out. My periods became more scarce and then to almost nothing at all. In February '07, after a year and a half of trying we made a doctors appointment. He was a very nice older man who seemed to think it was going to be really simple. On my first visit he told me I should be pregnant within 3 months! I was so excited!

After the first month of Clomid I was moody and so stressed. My cycle ended up being 35 days which concerned me a bit. I called my doctor and he assured me that if the medicine wasn't working as it should I would have no cycle. So I went on to month 2. That cycle was also somewhat long. I believe it was roughly 33-35 days. I was feeling like it might be working but I had no idea if I had indeed ovulated or not. He even once told me over the phone that he didn't really have a need to see me until I was pregnant...!?!?! He wasn't the most attentive doctor. We did do a 3rd and last round of clomid. This cycle was almost 2 months. I kept going back and forth as to if I might be pregnant or it didn't work this time. I was so confused and I didn't get any help from my doctor. He basically said if you haven't started by next week call me and I will call something in to get it going.

It's such a stressful thing to go through. I remember hating my body and wondering why things were so hard for Joe and I. I'm sure if you would have talked to me then you would have seen how crazy I was. lol I think I cracked under the stress. After those 3 months we made the tough decision to not go through any more meds or testing. We wanted to wait and keep trying on our own just in case I ovulated but not putting that pressure on ourselves. Even now writing about all of this, I am a bit emotional.

I think our families put a lot of stress on us as well. I remember certain family members saying that if I would only lose weight or if I would make Joe wear only boxers and blah blah blah then we would get pregnant. I hate when people without medical degrees provide you with a diagnosis. I used to get so frustrated with people giving me there opinions as to why we hadn't been successful. Believe me I heard it all. I told Joe at one time that I wasn't going to tell any of those family members if we did get pregnant. I think encouragement and support are wonderful and very needed while TTC. But criticism from the ones who are supposed to love you is so hard.

I am preparing to go to a Reproductive Endocrinologist next week. It so strange how it worked out. I had done some research online with our providers and I found this doctor who work mostly with infertility cases. I picked this one name out of a list of hundreds. I called today and she is no longer at the practice. Instead they have replaced her with a RE. He was also the only one who was accepting new patients!!! So I thought I was going to an OB to take another step towards our fertility. But now I have an appointment with an RE! I feel like I was led towards this doctor. Everything just presented itself to me. Next Wednesdays the day....I am so excited and very nervous.